Volunteering

One of the things in life I would like to achieve, is to do some volunteering. I don't know what kind of volunteering I want to do, but I feel like if I don't help other people/animals, that I'm not making myself useful. I cannot just watch children or their parents starve and die, while I'm sitting on my lazy ass, eating all the food I can see.

But these things are just dreams. Before I can actually go to a poor land to help and do volunteering, I need enough money to pay for the trip to there. I need money to live from when I'm there. I need money to pay my house in the Netherlands, even when I'm not at home. So I need a good-paying job, and there also has to be the opportunity to go away for a very long time.

Like I said, these are only dreams. They probably never come true.

Anyway, have a picture of me.

My parents are divorced

I don't know what this post is going to be about. It is probably going to go about nothing special, but I am still going to write it. I don't even know if I'm going to publish it or not.

My parents are divorced, and I don't know if yours are as well, but if they are, you know what I'm going to talk about right now. If your parents are still together, God bless you and please be really happy about it. Because my parents divorced approximately five years ago. And I can still remember the day/evening/night my father told my mum about it.

I was laying in my bed, and I think I couldn't sleep, or it woke me up, but I heard my parents talking in the room next to me. My bedroom was like, next to my parent's room, with the bathroom in between these two. I heard my father's voice, trying to sound as calm as possible. And I heard my mother's voice. She sounded really desperate and panicked... she was crying. I was shocked and sneaked out of my bed to have a look at what was happening that moment. When I looked at my parents, I saw that my mum was crying, and that my dad was holding and hugging her, he didn't cry. As soon as he saw me, he made a gesture that I really shouldn't be here, so I left the room and went back to my room again. But I couldn't sleep. I still heard my mum crying and my father trying to calm her down. At that moment, I still didn't know what there were talking about.

Later that night I heard that someone stepped out of the bed, and put on some trousers. I could here my father say: "don't do that. It don't have to be like this" so I figured it was my mum who was putting on some clothes. My parents started to fight a bit. I was about eight, and that means that it really felt uncomfortable and unsafe when I heard my parents fighting and being angry and crying. My mum (I supposed, I still didn't know for sure who had put on their clothes by then) left the room and went downstairs, quickly followed by my dad.

They continued talking and being panicked even when they went downstairs. Later I heard that someone dropped, what sounded like, keys. And I was right, it were keys. Not even five minutes later, my mum left the house and had, apparently, taken the car and had driven away. It is very obvious that I was really upset by then. My father called his mother (my grandma) and told what just happened. I tried to listen as carefully as I could, even I was crying so it wasn't the easiest thing to do (my room was on floor higher than my parents (my dad only) were at that moment and there were a lots of doors between us as well).

Ten minutes later (it could have been much longer, I can't remember exactly, it is a long time ago), the phone rang and my dad answered it. The only thing I heard him saying was: "Oh, you are on your way home again?"... and then I could rest. I can't remember anything that happened later that night. I assume I fell asleep, but my mum was on her way home again and I know everything was okay (as okay as every thing could be at that moment).

The next morning was really weird and awkward. I was sitting at the table, with my little sister (not much older than five years old by then) and my parents. Every thing and everyone was quiet. No one said a word. I felt that no one, except my little sister maybe, felt happy or rested. When I woke up, I couldn't think about anything else but what happened last night. I wished that I had a bad dream or something. But it wasn't a bad dream. It had really happened. I saw it by the look in my parent's eyes. Both of them were looking weird and didn't say a word.

I went to school that day. Like everything was okay. I was forgetting about what happened last night. But at some point, my mum was there to pick me up from school. Apparently school knew about this, because I was allowed to leave school. My mum drove me all the way to my grandma and grandpa (my father's parents) and she left. A couples of minutes later (I don't know how much later), my father was there. He took me to a farmyard somewhere near to my granny's house. He told me what had happened last night, and what was going to happen from now on.

Of course I was right, my parents were going to divorce. I can still remember how terrible I felt about that. I also remember that I've said something like: "If you two are ever going to divorce, I don't want to live with any of you because you two will fight about it.", but when they actually did, I didn't want to leave my parents.
My dad told me about two years ago that at this conversation we held, I told him something that made him feel a proud that. Apparently I said: "You can't make another person happy, if you are not happy yourself.". I can't remember that I ever said something like that, but I really did. I know my father wouldn't lie about something like this.

After this day, things changed really fast. My father moved out our house, to live with my current stepmother. I remember the first day I met her. She looked really nice and like a good, sweet, loving mother and I actually didn't mind that my dad kissed her. I made a present for here. I made her a paper frog and she liked it. My little sister made her a drawing.

After a few months... maybe two, my father and my stepmother (who wasn't my stepmother yet back then) bought a tiny house. Well, they hired a apartment somewhere in the city I currently live. I was really scared that I had to leave my own house and my own room, and even worse, the city I lived and have lived all my life. But my mum reassured me that we might had to leave the house, but that we wouldn't have to leave the city. We could look for a house somewhere else in that city. But we did not. We found a little nice house. But someone else took it before we could.

We had to leave our first house, and my mum was kind of in love with the ex of my new stepmother (you get it?) and I remember that we travelled every free minute we had to where I live right now so that those two could be together. I didn't really bother, because he also had a child. She appeared to be a girl and she was just as old as I am, and we could get along really well.
Later he offered his house, and so we moved in. I have always had a really big room, and all of a sudden, I had to share a room with someone else, and the room wasn't even half as big as my old room was. So I really had to get used to that.

Later, my father and his new girlfriend bought a house, near to my mother's new house, and they moved out of the flat. I got my own room there, so I don't have to share this one as well.

I really hate it that my parents are divorced, even though I know it is better for everyone. But still... if you're breaking up with each other and you have children as well, don't let the children be the victims of this whole happening. You are breaking up with each other because you aren't in love any more, because you fight a lot and you want to prevent more fights... but really... I don't want to sound all stupid and self-pittying... but my little sister (who's eleven years this day) and I really are the victims of the divorcing. We have always been, we still are, and we will always been it as well.

Not that there's anything I can do about it, but I always have the feeling that I have to choose between one of the two and that makes me sick. It makes me feel like I'm a bad daughter because I choose for my mum for like 90% of the time.

I see/saw my father approximately once or twice a week. But never more days than that. 

But oh well... I guess that I'm not the only one who is going through this kind of life problems right now. How many people are marrying and divorcing not even more that five years later, having a three year old baby? I'm sorry, but that just sounds really irresponsible.

Anyway, enough talking about shit like this. I had a wonderful night going out with my friends, and tomorrow night, we're going out again and it is going to be great! My friends are great! I love them!

And for now... good night people.

Reunited!

Even though I really had the time of my life when I was in London, I really missed hanging out with my friends. I missed all of them. We hung out together after one, or even two, weeks and we had so much fun. Some of them came a bit later, and there were some alcoholic beverages, but I told myself not to drink (I did it anyway, but I didn't get drunk or even tipsy, so that's a good thing).

Two really good things happened yesterday as well. Two of my best friends have been into a fight since the beginning of December, last year, and they finally made up with each other.

And my best friend and another really good friend of mine kissed each other. Two boys, kissed, each other. That was like the highlight of the whole evening.

I can remember that I actually wanted to get tipsy (most of my friends were as well, so I wanted that as well) and that I drunk an amount of alcohol and started jogging around the neighbourhood with a good friend of mine.

Oh, and we were being followed by the police as well. In the beginning of the evening, some guys bought some bottles of alcoholic drinks and everyone tasted a bit of it. Apparently some strangers saw us with the bottles and called the police. By the time they arrived at the 'crime scene' some of us (including me) had left to get some snacks from the grocery store, a couple of streets away. In that time, a police officer undercover had come to see us, but I think that the person who called said that we were with seven people, and because four of us had left, they didn't know our friend had the opened bottles of alcohol.

As soon as we came back and heard the story, we split up into three groups and cycled our way to a safe place to drink. We've been there all night. Until someone left and went home. A couples of minutes after he had left, he called me, telling me that the cops were on their way to us. I thanked him and told the rest to move away quickly. And we did. We still had fun somewhere else, and I remember that lots of kisses where given and received by, let's say, everyone. Around 12 o' clock, I cycled home with two of my friends.

I had a wonderful night and I was glad to see my friends again. I missed them. I love them so much.
Anyway, I'm going to hit the sack now. School tomorrow and I am NOT looking forward to go to that horrific building again.

Good night!

Last day in London :(

Yesterday was the last day in london. We went to the Imperial War Museam and it was really interesting. They had things about the First Worldwar, the Second Worldwar, and wars after that. It was really dedicated and classified. The third floor was totally dedicated to the Holocaust, and that is were we (my two friends and I) spent the most of our time. We were not allowed to take pictures unfortunately. The experiece itself was very special and I'm glad that I've been there. There were a lot of books and letters from soldiers and prisonors. There were uniforms that the soldiers from countries all over the world that paticipated in the wars, but there were shoes and clothes the Jews wore during the Second Worldwar as well. It was actually rather emotional

We had to be back at half past eleven and we we got money to buy our lunch there. We got into the metro and traveled to Oxford Street, where we've been shopping from twelve o' clock until half past two. There is a Primark, and I bought high heels (which I'm very excited about the wear), some souvenirs and a bag for Mothersday.

Around three o' clock, we arrived back at our hostel. We packed our bags for the journey back home. In the evening, our group went the the musical of The Woman in Black. I didn't see the movie, nor I've read the book, but I know what it is about for a bit. The Woman in Black is a 'horror' movie, and I was curious how the actors would make it just as scary as the movie or the book.
But they did a really good job. I'm not going to spoil the plot, but the musical is really different from the movie. But it was really great! Believe me. At the beginning, it was actually rather funny, but it became scarier and scarier as the time past.

Right now I'm on the boat back to Holland. And the internet is really bad and slow, so I'm going top quit now and wait until I'm back home, behind my own PC wiht my, kind of quick internet!

Second and third day London!

And here I am again! I'm still in London and it's so awesome! Every thing we've done and we still have to do. Yesterday we went to the building of the BBC and were taken on a tour and it was incredibly amazing! The first thing I saw was the Tardis. THE REAL TARDIS! I was like asdfdfghjkl and all the other letters available on the keyboard, with commas, question marks, etc, included! Obviously I took some pictures of it!

I've seen many many more, but that was the highlight of the how tour for me! Later we went to Camden Town where we had to make pictures of things (like I didn't have in mind to do so already) for school. We actually took some pictures in the beginning and then just walked shops in, shops out and bought stuff.

I bought an 'I love London' hoodie, an 'I love London' bracelet, a poster with a Dalek on it, a T-shirt with Edward Elric (from Full Metal Alchemist), and I also took a newspaper with me, so that must be fun. Oh! I remember now! I also bought two pairs of knee socks yesterday, and I bought a key chain with, again, Edward on it!

We also went to Hyde park, which was pretty boring because our teachers told us to get out of the metro way to early and we had to walk really far. It started raining and my feed were close to bleeding. It hurts so bad! But there's one nice thing about the park! I met one of my friends that I've met on the internet and I'm so happy! :D

Tonight we will be going to do the Jack the Ripper walk (like I haven't walked enough yet). Charged my phone and my camera so I can take many photos. I made around 450 pictures in three days, and this day isn't even over yet! :D

I really want to share the pictures with you, but unfortunately I can't. You have to wait until I'm back!
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First day London!

Okay! A quick blogpost before I go to sleep, which will be very soon since I'm really tired!

We got onto the boat at like 9 o' clock in the evening. We have been looking for some stuff in the shop at the boat, and there were some awesome gadgets (I'll blog about that later). Everything went really quick and we got into bed rather early. I fell asleep straight away and woke up at around 4 o' clock in the morning due to the boat shaking and making noise, so I decided to take a look at the sea and while trying to get the curtains back up, my friend next to me (oh, I had a dubble bed for me alone :D) woke up as well. We wachted the sunrise together.

After we got off from the boat, we stepped into a bus which took us an half an hour to bring us to London Central. From there on we travelled by the metro. At first it was really weird, but I got used to it now.

We saw a lot if things aready, like; the Big Ben, Westminster, the metro, Buckingham Palaca, and many more.

I think it's a good idea if I'll sleep now. I have to be awake and ready at 8 o' clock!

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Post from the boat

Hello there!

I am currently on the boat to London. There's is free wifi everywhere, and with that I also mean that I have free wifi in my bedroom, which is lovely because I can tweet, tumblr, and post blogposts from my bed (which is a dubble bed, and I sleep in it on my own). Which I'm probably going to do a lot, I'm sorry if I'm bothering you with my not reading-worth posts.

Anyway, I've made a lot of pictures already, but I'll make, like, one pots with a shitload of pictures from London.

It feels really weird, sitting behind a computer, at sea. I'll become seasick within half an hour if I'm not going out for some fresh air soon.

We haven't made our Titanic-like pictures yet, but we're going to so that soon.

Boat looks awesome, and the huts are also pretty good.

You'll here more from me, when I'll be in London!

London, here I come!

So I'm about to leave my own, beloved country; the Netherlands and go to London, by boat. I'm going to London for five days with school, and it's going to be totally awesome. Some of my friends are going to Poland, and all the other ones are going to Belgium. It is a pity that I'm only with two of my friends, but still, London is awesome. I'm going to have so much fun! Like I said, I am leaving tonight by boat. We're going with a boat from Stenaline. I've seen the boat that we are going to use and it looks like a smaller version of the Titanic! It has free wifi, computers, teen rooms, childs play rooms, restaurants, bedrooms (of course) and even a cinema and many many many thi gs more. I am really looking forward to go. When we arrive in Harwich, we will walk with all our bags and suitcases to the metro station and travel by metro to our hostel (St. Christopher's Inn, Borough street). And even there we will have wifi, and free internet access and computers, I will be able to upload my blog, and post photos on here and I use Dailybooth and Tumblr as well, so I'm going to upload some stuff there as well. We will visit the British museum and the Imperial War museum, which I'm really looking forward to. Notting Hill, Hyde park an the musical of The Woman in Black are on the list too. There's even a change that I'll meet one of my friends that I've met in the Internet two years ago. She's, just like me, from the Netherlands and what a coincidence that she's gojng there the same ti e as me! I'm so so excited, also a little bit scared, because I don't like sea, and water and I'll be very very close to water for seven hours straight. I'm trying to upload as often as I can, but I don't know how things will go. Oh, I'm leaving now! :D will upload ASAP!

Test test! Does this work?

When I will be in London for school next week, I still want to be able to blog. And it is possible to post using email, so that will be the way I have to use.

But now I'm still here in the Netherlands, I'm testing if it works.

Anyway, I'm not being really happy at the moment. My mum just completely ruined my evening. I'm really confused right now about friends and all that. And I want to cry my eyes out.

I'm probably going to cry myself to sleep now. So bye!

Everyone has their own hobbies and obsessions. I have some as well, obviously. But it seems that my hobbies change every now and then. Some of these hobbies are only enjoyable for me for a certain time of the year. I start to enjoy reading books as if my life depends on it. Last year, the last Harry Potter film came out and therefore I wanted to read all the Harry Potter books, and I borrowed three of them from the library.

Harry Potter is also one of my temporary obsessions. As soon as I read a lot about it on Twitter or Tumblr, I immediately want to watch all the films and read the books. I remember how excited I was about Pottermore in the beginning. But after a month or two, I had forgotten about its existence. And really, I enjoy reading little parts about Harry Potter, but really, it just isn't as special as it used to be any more.

The same goes for drawing. I really really really love to draw and I'm actually a little bit good at it (I think, maybe?), but for some strange reason, I can only put some effort into drawings I make during winter, but now, during spring, I just don't like it as much as I did a few months ago. I don't even use my Deviant Art account any more to upload drawings.

There are some hobbies of mine that I enjoy throughout the whole year. And one of them is writing. Just writing. This is a bit of a broad concept of course, but I enjoy every kind of writing. I used to blog when I was younger (around age 12), I also wrote books and poems, but I also enjoy writing at school. And this sounds nerdy or whatever, but I actually like it. When I enjoy a certain subject or lesson, and I understand what we're being taught, I want to actually do my homework. We had to write a little story about a girl who went on vacation with a bus and disappeared, and we had to tell what had happened to the girl. I enjoyed writing the story.

But I still think I don't have enough talent to write good stories. I wanted to be a writer, I always did. But I don't think I have enough talent, or that I am creative enough to write enjoyable, exciting, scary, funny and above all interesting stories. I want people to read what I wrote and think about it. It has to be a story that makes people think. It isn't as easy as I thought it would be.

But having a blog is good enough for me, for now.