Quick post

Heellooo theerreeee!

It's father's day today and therefore I am at my grandpa's house with my father and co. My grandpa and grandma live in a city called Leiden. I was born there too, and I have lived there until six years ago. Six years ago, my parents divorced and we moved to Delft, which is about half an hour away from Leiden by car. Every time I get back here in Leiden I feel, it feels like home. So I feel pretty fine right now.

Also, we are going out to dinner in a Greek restaurant and I am looking forward to it. I love Leiden and I love Greece, so that combination is even better.

I can't wait to go to Crete again this summer. I have so many good memories of that place. Every time I think about it, I want to go back there.

Anyway, I wanted to write a little bit more than this, but we're leaving right now! You'll here more from me later!

OCD much?

I have lots of weird habits. I did an OCD-online test lately and it said that the change that I have OCD is like 90 percent. But when I did another test, it said that I probably don’t have it. I’m a bit confused about this now, but here are some habits of mine.

Always when I touch a certain object with, for example, my right hand, I also have to do it with my left hand. And if the way I touch the object isn’t the same, I have to do them BOTH again. 

For example: when I am walking down the stairs and I bump my left arm against the wall, I have to BUMP my right arm against the wall, at the same spot, as well. But when I accidentally slip my arm against the wall, I have to try again to bump it against the wall, and then slip my left arm against the wall to equal the slipping and bumping.

I have another annoying habit that has to do with reading, writing and reading out loud. When I’m reading through a post, it doesn’t matter what post, I have to finish the whole post. So, if it is something that it not interesting for me, I still have to read through the whole post. 

Also when I mess up reading it (as in; reading a word wrong) I have to reread the whole sentence. This also goes for writing. Mostly writing on the computer. When I am typing a word and I mess up, I have to delete the whole word (it doesn't matter how many letters the word counts) and type it in again. 

And another thing I have is when I am just thinking about random things and it ‘might be interpret as an prediction’ I have to knock twice on something (I forgot the English word for this). If there is wood inside the room I am, I have to knock twice on wood. Sometimes this happens when I’m on my way to school and there is no wood around. Then I just knock my hands against each other, then clap twice in my hands and then got back to cycling. 

This can be rather dangerous when I am near driving cars or other people. 

And there is one other thing I can think of right now. When I am listening to music, no matter where or with who, I have to, again, do the knocking thing, and then tap my both feet on the ground, just before the beat drops. 

Also I have this weird habit of sniffing with my nose all the time. I randomly take a deep breath, then quickly exhale and if it does not feel right, I have to do this all again. 

And the last one for now. This one is random, and it can pop up at any time.

Example: when I am looking at a television, and this I got the feeling I have to do it, I have to look away or do the knocking thing again, before the camera switches to another point of view, if you know what I mean.
This can also relate to things like switching the light on or off.

And there is one other thing that has to do with walking on different colours of bricks or shadow, but I do not think I can explain that. 

I have many more weird habits, I think that this is enough for now. 

Sweet Sixteen

Tomorrow, the 9th of June, I will celebrate my 16th birthday! I have been counting down for this day since two months ago. It is currently 23.51 and I wonder how many people are going to say happy birthday at exactly twelve o' clock. Some people posted tweets like "Staying up until midnight to say 'Happy birthday!' to a good friend", so I am sort of figuring out how many people will do this. It doesn't say a lot, I guess, but I think I will feel a bit better if someone did.

I haven't felt rather cheerful lately. The reason why I felt like this is partially unknown. The feeling started in the end of last weekend. And it became worse and worse with every minute that passed, even now. I kind of know what causes me feeling miserable. I am confused about the way I think about people. Friends, or at least I thought they were. Some people I consider as good friends don't even seem to think the same way about me. The first person just texted me happy birthday, and it is my mother :) It is 0.01 right now. If there's something wrong with them, I am always there to help them out. But it seems like they don't want my help. The next to friends just texted me :) Oh, and another one! I think I don't need to write this down any more. 

But what I wanted to say is, I always feel like people don't want my help. Maybe because my advice sucks, or maybe they aren't close enough to me to let me help them. I don't know who my real friends are. Of course I know some people are really best friends with me, but there are also a lot of people who I doubt they feel about me the way they say they do.

I think that it will be good for me to not have contact with certain people for a certain time. And since it is almost summer holiday, this won't be very hard to succeed.

Oh, well, I a starting to feel guilty about writing this post in the first place. I think that ten people have texted me by now to tell me happy birthday. I should cut this off now, before I'll end up deleting it.

Anyway, tomorrow is my birthday, it is actually today since it is 0.11 right now. I really look forward to see some family I haven't seen for a really long time. And later, around five o' clock, my best friends will be here to join the barbecue. And after that, my other friends will arrive to celebrate and drink beer and whine, and watch football and have nationalistic feelings because of that. Yeah! I hope, and think, that tomorrow will be great! I will enjoy this entire day and night, and there will be taken a lot of pictures too.

At last, as you probably have noticed, I really cannot concentrate on anything I am doing. This blogpost mostly consists of composed whining and my English sucks even more than it normally does. I'll probably post a new post tomorrow. Maybe it will be very long, and it will probably be not even worth to read. We'll see.

Spirituality

Because I seem to have no internet connection on my laptop at the moment, I'm writing this post in WordPad (I don't seem to have a legit version of Microsoft Word either). It is around half past eleven and I have had the urge to write this blog post for a few hours now and it is about missing certain people, certain moments, or memories from what happened in the past. In the Netherlands, we got a show on television about Derek Ogilvie. If you don't know about this man, you should either Google his name, or read the following.

Derek Ogilvie is a really special man and he what does means a lot to me. He is a 'medium'. Or in other words; he can speak to dead people. He can see people who passed away and he can also communicate with them. In his show, he uses his gift to help people who lost a loved one, or have a child who cannot speak (like a child with autism or the Down Syndrome) and help them communicate with each other. I know that there are two ways someone can think about this. You either believe in this, or you just do not believe it. It is just as simple as that. I am someone who thinks this is true. That there are people who have a gift to see 'ghosts' and that they actually can communicate with them.

There are more people with this gift, obviously, and I know someone from the Netherlands, and I went to her for a so called 'reading'. And I don't remember all of it, but I can remember some things that really 'touched' me. I still know how the first question she asked me was: "Do you eat enough?". She really got straight to the main point I've been struggling with for over two years. She asked about this, and later told me who told her this thing about me, and apparently, it was my grandmother (my mother's mother) who passed away almost ten years ago. At first I didn't know what to think. During this 45-minute session I just listened to everything she told me, without thinking too much about it. I had time enough later to do that. And that is what I did. It is really strange to know that there are people watching over me and caring for me in the spirit world. And it was rather weird to hear that my grandma has always been there. She's been there all the time and she knows about what I did, why I did it, and how I felt. And when I think about that, I feel kind of sad. She is not here anymore and that sucks!

This woman, called Bep (must be a weird name for you, not Hollanders), also told me that I have an older brother up there in this spirit world. Before me, I mum had a miscarriage. I have been asking the same questions about this baby for months. Would it have been a boy or a girl? How old would it have been by now? What would he or she be called? But unfortunately (or luckily, it depends on from what kind of view you are looking at this topic), the baby was too young to know if it would have been a boy or a girl. But Bep told me that it would have been born as a boy. It is really hard to describe how happy I was to hear about this. I have always knows that I had another sibling, except for my little sister, but I didn’t know anything about him (or her, I didn’t know).

Bep also told me that everyone has a ghost with themselves. There is always someone up there in the spirit world looking after you, caring for you, and they even make sure that certain things like car accidents don’t happen. You might not notice, but these people are there for you. And since my mother went to Bep once already, last year, and told me about this, I’ve been wondering who might be with me all the time. I wanted to ask Bep this question, but she told me already. It is my little brother. Before I didn’t even know about his existence, but now I know that he’s here, I actually miss him having around. I wonder what kind of person he would have been. And how would he have looked like? Would I look like him? I also wonder what would have happened between my parents and that whole situation is he would have been born. These are questions that will never be answered. But it is okay.

I love how, since I know about my brother, I sometimes even think that I ‘feel’ him being around. When I think about him, or write about him (like I’m doing right now) and sometimes when I feel desperate or incredibly sad.

It might be rather weird for you, if you don’t believe this kinds of things exist, to read this. But I know what I feel, and what I hear.

There is another question I wanted to ask Bep. I’ve been thinking about a good question to asked her and I came up with this one. Is it possible that members of my family, or even myself, are also born with this gift to talk to dead people? And she told me yes. My little sister also has a ‘sixth sense’ and I seem to have one as well. She also told me that my little sister doesn’t really want to open up for all this spirituality, and because of that, she won’t be able to develop her gift. But I’ve always been really interested in this. Bep told me, as I said, that I was born with this gift, but that it will open up to me when I will be older. I will notice if the time is right and when it is happening, she told me to call her and she would help me with it. So she gave me her phone number. Her personal phone number. She rarely gives her personal phone number to strangers, except for me.

As you can see, I’m really interested in this, and things that are similar to this! I have always been and I will always be! 

Colours

Hello there, I dyed my hair... again. I like dyeing my hair. After a while, like three months, I want a new colour. To have the same colour of hair for a long time gets boring, at least, I think so. So I dye my hair every three or four months into another colour. I've had a few colours already. My own colour is brown. A little bit a darker kind of brown.

First I dyed some parts of my hair blonde, and I did that a few times, and I liked it. But I wanted something different. So I dyed my hair red. It looked like this:

But unfortunately, I discovered that I am allergic to something that was in this hair dye. The evening I dyed my hair this colour, my head started to itch. It got worse and worse. But it also started to hurt really badly. I couldn't even get to sleep because of the itch and the pain. I was so scared so I didn't want to dye it again.

Then I saw something on the internet about this allergic reaction I had. Apparently I am allergic to a substance called PPD or something. And when I wanted to dye my hair again, this time bright red, I looked for an hair dye without this stuff. And I found one. This is what it looked like when I dyed it 'red':

It turned out to be orange-ish, but I still liked it really much. It was an awesome colour. 

After that I dyed my hair back to brown. I missed my old hair colour, the red/orange one, right after I dyed it brown again, but I still liked the colour. And again, I got some allergic reaction, but it wasn't as bad as it was with the red colour, so I could handle it.

But today I dyed my hair again. I like the dip-dyeing thing. I ordered some blue hair dye. But that will be here in two weeks. In the meantime, I dip-dyed it red. And here's a picture!

So that's it for now!