Some ranting

What can I say? Yesterday started off like it was going to be a good day, but it somehow turned into probably the worst day of this holiday.

First of all, we went to the beach today, for me it was the first time. At first I did not want to take my phone with me, but when I saw that my stepmother and stepbrother took them with them as well, I thought 'why shouldn't I just take him with me?'. I immediately thought it wasn't a very good idea. I didn't want anything to happen to my phone so I kept it in my parent's bag, just in case something happened to it. (the beach itself was beautiful and the sea was warm enough to not freeze to death again (like what happened the night before sure to the airco). And there comes the only time I feel proud of myself. I attempted to go into the sea and swim. And I did! Twice even! The first time was with my little sister, she is for as far as I know the only one who knows about my fear of the sea and not makes fun of it.
The second time I went alone. That time I even went for a proper swim. I felt quite proud of myself afterwards because I had fun in the sea and for a few minutes I didn't feel like I was the worst thing that has ever happened to the world.)

But when we wanted top go back top the caravan my sister and I wanted to swim in the pool before going home as well. So that is what we did. I let my phone in the bag and asked if they wanted to be careful with it. My stepmother immediately said 'of course we do!' She sounded really annoyed while saying it and gave me this arrogant look.
I went to swim, but when I got home I saw there are two scratches on my phone. I tried to clean my crab in case it were no scratches, but they are. I was so angry at people because they just can't be careful with other people's properties. It's a pity that I don't know who did our, but when I will blame anyone, they will say I did it myself for sure.
I was always so careful for my phone, and now someone else damaged it.

That was not the only thing. I bought 100mb internet do I could blog and chat, but yesterday after I discovered the scratches I also got a text message saying I had used 80 percent of my mbs. Which is impossible since my internet didn't work for almost the entire day. So I have only 20mb left for five days. Hopefully it won't go that fast again for no reason.

You can understand that this had ruined my mood and because of that I was a bit grumpy. That is never a good thing near my stepmother. She likes to even ruin my mood more somehow. I started to feel again, like I don't belong in this family. They're happy together and I feel like the only one who appreciates my presence is my father, and my little sister maybe. But all the other ones act like they don't care.

Then I started to feel nervous and stressed because of the ocd-ish feelings I've been struggling with for quite a while now. 'Maybe had touched the table or did jumped twice instead of once my phone would not have been damaged. It is my fault, I should have clapped an even number in my hands, not any different.' I even couldn't read my book anymore, so I didn't have any entertainment.

Later in the evening I also started to feel bad for eating. I cried on the toilet. I had completely lost my mind. As soon as I possibly could, I went to bed and hoped so much on a better day.

Right now, I'm still in my bed, but I think I feel a little bit better now... kind of... Hopefully this day will be better, because it will run my vacation so much if not. I'm not taking my phone with me again, unless I have my own bag where no one else can touch it.